Momfession #2

Hi, my name is Suzie Koskella, and I am a listoholic!

Seriously I love making lists.

I make lists for everything and anything....

What to do

What to make

What to clean

What to write

What to buy

What to organize

And I even make lists of things I have already done just so I can cross it off.

Now just because I love making lists does not mean that I do everything that was on the list, that part I am still working on.

Update....

This is my life in pictures lately....

Tired girl from afternoon preschool

My helper making dinner!

I asked Emma what she wanted to be when she grew up and she said "nothing, i just want to be a mom!" Uh. I wonder what she thinks i do?

Trying to potty train this little guy. He does okay. I have to remind him most of the time and he poos in his pants at least once a day. (i throw away most of the pooed in underwear because who wants to clean that?)

But he is sure cute in underwear!

Emma loves taking pictures of herself!

I can't help it! He is so cute!

And me.... I have looked in the mirror lately and i look older.

I am not that 19 year old who just got married anymore. I older i get the more i see my mother and that is a good thing!

So obviously i need to take more pictures of my Jacob.... poor guy. When you are stuck at school all day you don't get as many pictures!

What i love....

So this week these are the things that i am grateful for....

1. The Proclamation to the Family
           I printed this one off and hung it on my wall. I love the words and the comfort that it brings, especially in the world today. The world can make us feel like what we believe is wrong but if we are on the Lords Side we are never wrong.


2. THIS!
        These candies are amazing and I can sit and eat and eat these all day long.

 


3. My Sister
           She just started her mission in Gilbert, Arizona and she is the First Sister Missionary out of our Family! I miss my silly crazy, fun sister.
   

4. Flowers and Sunsets!
       Oh how i miss flowers and sunsets. I know winter comes so i can be grateful for the beauty that comes afterward. Almost spring..... Right?

Momfession #1

Every Wednesday I am going to start writing confessions on why I am not a perfect mother..... no one is.

So my first momfession is that my kids watch way too much TV. Okay let me rephrase that, the TV is on way too much. I have the TV on almost all day, when I am home, as sort of a background noise. The only thing that saves me here is that they do not sit and watch the TV all day. I put a movie on in the playroom and they play along with watching the TV. 

So Friday I didn't even mention a movie and they played for 2 hours downstairs without the TV on.
It was amazing! I realized that my kids do not need the TV on all day long, it was just me thinking that they did.

I am not perfect, I do many many many things wrong. All I can do is try to be better then I was the day before. Sometimes I seem to go backwards instead of forward and then I have to readjust what I am doing.

hurricane

Lately i feel like i am caught in a hurricane. A big, huge, windy, destructive hurricane. A hurricane that i am not even sure when will die down. My life is whirling around me crazy and fast and it takes all i have just to hang on, to hang on to that one thing i know will keep me save, the foundation that i have built my entire life on. I know that foundation is strong i just don't know how strong i am.
Some days i am holding on really well, i feel strong and capable....
other days the things flying past me distract and confuse me and i feel myself slipping from that safe place.
I know that if i just stay in my safe foundation i will survive this hurricane, that the sun will come out and i will look around and realize that I made it, that i am strong and that that hurricane was meant to let me see that.
But for now i am gripping that foundation and praying that the next strong wind does not make me fall.

We have adversity in this life to make us strong...... but while you are going through it all you see is mess and destruction. Trying to see that happiness in life is difficult.
So today here are some happyness in life that i see....

1. My children love me unconditionally, they forgive me so quickly when i fail or when i am not the mother that they deserve.

2. Writing my thoughts helps me realize blessing that come from trials.

3. My Savior never leaves me. When i walk away he is always there pulling me back.

4. Motherhood isn't always pretty or organized or neat, but is always worth it.

I am going to try to write more because it does help me make sense of my crazy life! <3

Because we all have bad days

The day started off pretty good and that should have warned me that something was coming. 

Emma had dance class today. I love how excited she gets and the dances she shows me from class. While she was at class I took the boys to the park until it was over. They had fun and behaved very well. Emma was whiny and upset about every little thing. I tried really hard not to let it stress me out. Emma went to school. I could tell there was something up with Jacob when he wasn't acting his usual hyper self. Emma said her stomach hurt after school. I thought she might just be hungry but they both had a fever. 

I am the worst nurse. I have a hard time feeling sympathy when they are sick. I guess all I hear is the whining and I shut down. I try really hard to be kind and loving when they don't feel good. It is hard. What does that say about me. I know it is something that I am working on. 

They still had their pizza and movie. I pray they feel better in the morning. 

I really do have the cutest, smartest, kindest most amazing kids! 

Pretty good day

Today we bought a house. We signed on the dotted line and now we wait for closing. I am beyond excited and I think that I am still doubting that it will actually happen. This process has been stressful and hard on us. Finding a house that we are both happy with is really difficult. Everyday I would pray that we would find something and I went to the temple to ask for help with patience. When we are finally moved in then I will be able to breathe and start life. 

The kids were pretty good today. I took them to the library. Sam is so cute during story time. He sits and listens for maybe 5 minutes. It is cute watching Jacob and Emma try to get him to listen. 

I worry that because my next children will not be close in age to these three, then I have done something wrong. But I truly   believe that I needed this time between Sam and the next baby to get my head and heart and desires where they need to be. I am a better mom then I was 3 years ago, even one month ago.